The Number 3...

3 things that made me smile this week...
1) The super excited little girl beside me on her first flight today
2) M & D snoring in unison on the lounge together last night
3) The SMS my best mate sent me that was intended for his wife


3 moments this week that I'd rather have back...
1) Burning my nose hairs trying to light a cigarette
2) Trying to walk through a glass door... that was closed!!!
3) Sitting down on a Virgin Australia flight with some work collegues and proudly announcing "This is my first time inside a virgin" LOL


3 things I wanted to punch this week...
1) My laptop
2) My phone
3) The glass door that I walked into


3 places that I'd rather be tonight...
1) Cairo, Eygpt
2) Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland
3) Bohol, Philippines

3 quotes I like this week...

GOODNIGHT from Sydney!

Summer Of 2012 :-))))

Had to happen sooner or later... I finally make YOUTUBE but I have SPAGHETTI hanging from my nose LMAO!!! Big thanks to my friend Quinny as his gf Betsy for making this little movie... showing all our fun times in Bohol and Cebu. Perfect song choice too Quinny :-p 

"the  BEST DAYS  of my life..."

Philippines...

I was lucky enough to visit the Philippines twice  over the last 6 months. The first time I went there for a reason...  and the second time I  just went there. Both visits have very special memories for me, but for very different reasons.

The second visit... was to Cebu and Bohol. I was really suprised at how beautiful Bohol was... the people there were soooooo friendly :-) Actually I discovered a little beach over there called Alona Beach on Pangloa Island. 
 
Alona is just a small beach... you can walk along it in 10 minutes. They say Boracay is the best beach in the Philippines... some say the world. But Alona is not far behind. Its not so crowded like Boracay... the beach music is more soft and relaxing. Its such a happy place... I was so relaxed there if somebody punched me in the face... I probably would have just said "oh thankyou sir" LOL.  

So who knows where the Happy Traveller Bar will turn up... maybe Thailand like the plan always was. Or maybe now Alona Beach in the Philippines is where my future is. I cant decide that now... but we'll see where life takes me in the next year or so...

LOOOOOOOVE you Bohol :-)
I'll be back... hopefully next time with a GIRL hehe

A part of me...

You know, ive been thinking about Tex tonight... I cant believe it, he has already been gone for 8 months... but Im still thinking about him every day. For sure some people who read this will think "this guy is effin crazy he is talking about a dog"... and thats ok. I dont expect everybody to understand. But Tex was the only thing that didnt leave me in the last 15 years. He was with me through marriages, divorces, deaths, the happiest and saddest times in my life... he was just always there with his unconditional love. So he was my inspiration for as long as I can remember.  

Ever since I lost him... I lost  little spark in my life... its hard to explain. Its almost like a little bit of energy has gone from my body and I dont know how to get it back. But maybe its good and fair that I feel that way... maybe Im never supposed to find that spark again. Maybe when he died... he took that spark with him. He took that little part of me with him... and I can never get that back.

But you know what... I want him to have it!!! Its his to keep forever... a special part of my heart that only ever existed in the first place... cus he was in my life. So maybe he always owned it to begin with...

And thats ok with me... just as long as he knows... Ive also got a special part of him that Im never gonna give back too :-)

TEX yr STILL with me mate!!

Inner Child...

You know...I've been thinking about life tonight... and the many choices we are faced with every day that shape our life. 

God it would be good to be a child again... my Mum would say I still am ;-) A child looks at life with very easy eyes. They always decide everything with their heart. If something feels good... they just do it!! 

They dont worry about the future... or what others tell them. They just follow their heart and find out for themself. Sure hearts are sometimes wrong, maybe sometimes stupid also. But to follow your heart is the only way to live life without regret!

RELEASE yr INNER CHILD! 

Wish my girl was here tonight...

Cus m in the mood for a......
PILLOW FIGHT......!!!!  
U all thought I was talking about sex didnt ya!! :-p

GOODNIGHT WORLD ;-)

Japanese Whaling...

The Samurai used to be regarded as honourable. But now the only tradition you can lay claim to with any valour is your pathetic whaling traditions. You've raped and pillaged your own oceans to death for centuries and now see fit to travel halfway around the world to kill ours!
And now you wanna preach to US about ethics and the respecting of other countries traditions... PFFFFFTTT!!!!!! You have absolutely no conservation ethic at all and we aint going away Japan.
Assholes.

Six Degrees Of Separation...

The theory is... if a person is 1 step away from each person they know... then they are 2 steps away from each person who is known by one of the people they know. Therefore EVERYONE is... at the most... SIX steps away from ANY PERSON on the PLANET.

Hmmmmm... that means I am SIX steps away from the President of the United States. Ok... so lets just say I wanted to invite good ol' BAZZA Barrack Obama over to my house for a game of chess...
Well the first person I'd call would probably be my friend in the Australian Navy. He... I'd imagine... would then call the highest ranking Navy official he knows personally... which Id guess would be the Commander of the boat he is on. Thats TWO steps already.

Ok... the Commander of his boat would then likewise call the highest ranking Navy official he knows... which likely would be the Admiral of the entire Australian Navy. Now... its safe to assume that Mr all important Australian Admiral would have access to his counterpart in the US Navy. So thats FOUR steps. I can feel it, we're getting close... I can smell the President already!!!

Now... Mr US Navy Admiral would definately have the number for the US Secretary of Defense... Robert Gates. Thats FIVE... but we've already reached Robert Gates!!!!! And HOLY SHIT... me good mate ROBBO has GOTTA HAVE BAZZAS number!!!!! SURELY!!!

WOOOOOT... it works!!! Bloody hell Im gonna be playing chess with the President!!!!!!! The SIX Steps Of Seperation works!!!!

Quick STEVO... hurry back from Navy duties will ya!!! Mate I need ya to call yr Navy buddies... they're gonna get ROBBO and BAZZA on the blower for me!!! And we're all gonna play chess at my house!!!

OH SHIT... NO WAIT!!! I need to buy some cheese and crackers!!!

LOL.... LOL.... I need sleep GOODNIGHT WORLD :-)

Bottle Girl...

OK where to start with this?? I really dunno except I was bored at home a while back and posted a "Note in a Bottle" blurb here on my blog. I honestly did not think it would lead to anything special... it was just my thoughts at the time. But as it turned out... somebody on the other side of the world read the note and claimed it for HER. Which I was happy about... cus I liked HER. And somehow... that little note... became a big story.

I first met HER online... the first time I saw HER on web-cam she was sitting around drinking beer with HER friends and laughing. Instantly I liked HER lol. We chatted almost every night after this... about anything and everything. We kinda became inseparable. Some days at work I caught myself wishing I was home on the computer talking to HER... its funny how you can miss a person you've never actually met in real life. 

After counting down the weeks, I was in Makati... phone in hand... trying to find HER... it was like a dream!! I still remember the moment I saw HER for the first time... and HER eyes!!! The girl with the smiling face that wished me goodnight almost every night for months... was real. Officially real and standing in front of me. Still smiling. Like I was.  

The next 10 days I spent with HER... we were shy at first... but then we just clicked... HER smile and warm heart made me feel safe. And HER easy going nature made for many crazy moments. But it was the simple moments I enjoyed with HER the most... sharing dinner with HER at the Tiki Bar. Laying in bed with HER chatting away at night. We shared everything together... even typhoons lol. I told HER my biggest secrets... and she told me HERs. I trusted HER not to run away. And she gave me HER heart. I thought my note had found the right person. Maybe it was just luck... or maybe it was destiny. All I know is "Note in a Bottle" had become a real life story. 

Then one day she just walked out of my life... with no warning... and no real explanation. Yep... just like that.

I thought I knew HER... the girl that had talked to me for what felt like forever. The one girl I always felt safe with... HER... just walked away. And made me question what I did wrong. I did not understand... maybe a better man than me found HER. Or maybe she thought I was not coming back for HER. The truth is I had already booked my flight to come back for HER. The truth is I missed HER like crazy when I was in Thailand. The truth is I wanted to answer yes to HER question she asked me on the plane. The truth is I wanted HER to be forever.   

By the time this blog finds HER eyes... and she reads this... I'll be sitting on a plane flying back to Sydney. YOU should be sitting beside me. But the truth is I could never trust YOU enough... to not just walk away from me again.


Life goes on....

GOODNIGHT SWANNY ......... one last time.    

Unpleasant Passenger...

Recently a 50 something year old woman arrived at her seat on a crowded Qantas flight from Sydney to Singapore and refused to sit in her seat. The seat was next to a black man. Disgusted, the woman immediately called the flight attendant and demanded a new seat.

The woman said "I cannot sit here next to this black man." Mortified, the flight attendant politely said "Let me see if I can find another seat." After checking, the flight attendant returned and said to the women "Mam, there are no more seats in economy, but I will check with the Captain and see if there is a seat available in first class." About 10 minutes later, the flight attendant returned again and said "Captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy". Pausing for a moment, the flight attendant continued... "But there is one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from economy to first class, but it would be a scandal to force somebody to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person… so the Captain agreed to change the seat to first class."

Before the woman could say anything, the flight attendant turned to the black man and said… "Therefore sir, if you would so kindly retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you to the comfort of first class as the Captain doesn't want you to sit next to an unpleasant person." Passengers in the seats nearby began to applause while some gave a standing ovation!!

IN-FLIGHT KARMA!!! 

Dear Tex...

I remember when you were just a little puppy... so cute and lazy
All you wanted to do all day, was play with me like crazy


Little I knew back then what a journey we were about to take
A man and his dog, an amazing bond we both were to make


Every night you’d lie by my side, the couch was always yours
You’d only leave my sight if you were off to clean your paws


Always would you run to me to play you’re favourite game
And how you’re ears stood up whenever I called you’re name

You’re endless loyalty, you’re love of life, for that I tip my hat
I promised I’d never give up on you; at least I owed you that


There’s not a person that met you, whose life you didn’t touch
You’re fighting spirit and will to live is why you’re loved so much


A thousand times you needed me; it’s why we are best friends
And its why I loved you all these years, my partner to the end


We’ve been together from the day 1, since you were a pup
If love alone could save u, then your time would never be up


I wish you’re ears could hear me and understand why I cry

I dont know how to live without you, all I can do is try 

Nobody can understands how you got into my heart so deep

But Im always gonna love you Tex... my final promise to keep

LOVE ya mate.... DAD

ONLY...

more SLEEPS TO GO :-) 

Good Luck Lantern....

Thailand has a tradition that I love sooooo much...they release a lantern for good luck!! The idea is you make 1 wish... when the lantern takes flight... it takes away all your problems. And brings you back only good luck!!
Have a nice flight....
GOOD LUCK :-)
Hmmm if its not too much trouble... can you also bring me back some BEER... and a GIRL please!
THANK YOU hehe :-p

HEY!!!!!!

You missed that one.... DIDNTI YA!!!

GOODNIGHT WORLD :-)

Beer Drinking Cave Man

Male friendships are weird... we show affection very differently to our female counterparts. We have our own special caveman language... that only men can understand LOL.

My best mate Luke called tonight and his opening line was ''Gday Monkey Nuts''. My response was ''Hey Elephant Shit, how are ya mate?''. Perfectly normal behaviour for us LOL. Our male minds believe the more disgusting of a greeting we can conjure up, the better. It doesn't mean we dont get sentimental... we do. But as a species we are too homophobic to hug each other like girls do... the thought of facial hair touching is just not right. So we avoid man hugs like the plague. But our friendship is so much more than just beer drinking cavemen that wave fire torches around. I still remember practicing good old 'Elephant Shits best-man speech for his wedding a thousand times over cus I wanted it just perfect for him. And I still remember the night he spent 8 hours on the phone to me when I needed him the most. Friendships with girls... are totally different. My closest female friend is proof that caveman and girl can have a close friendship without going down the 'friends with benifits' road. I've known her 7 years... but we've been through so much shit together it honestly feels more like 20. We've worked together twice, been camping together and been each others drinking buddies forever. We spent 6 weeks in Canada together, and have travelled to Europe, Singapore and Vanuatu together. We've slept in the same bed more times than I can possibly remember. Have we SLEPT TOGETHER??? Not once. Never. Dont believe me... LOL you wouldn't be the only one. And no... she is not gay, doesn't have a moustache and weighs a lot less than 284 kg. She is actually a very attractive girl. And yes, all my male organs work just fine thank you very much. Its just the way our friendship is. To be honest... I'd be lying if I said the thought had never crossed my mind, but Im sure she'd say the same thing. But you know what... its just awesome to have a female friend who I can chat in bed with and not worry about anything.
MALE and FEMALE friendships.... SAME SAME.... BUT DIFFERENT :-)

Boxers...

Boxers love to talk with their ass....
JUST ASK MR TEX!!!

Best Love Song Ever Written???

My life is brilliant
My love is pure
I saw an angel
Of that I'm sure
She smiled at me on the subway
She was with another man
But I won't lose no sleep on that
Cus I've got a plan

You're beautiful... You're beautiful
You're beautiful... It's true
I saw your face in a crowded place
And I don't know what to do
Cus I'll never be with you.....

Yeah she caught my eye
As I walked on by
She could see from my face
That I was fucking high
And I don't think that I'll see her again
But we shared a moment that will last until the end

You're beautiful... You're beautiful
You're beautiful... It's true
I saw your face in a crowded place
And I don't know what to do
Cus I'll never be with you.....

You're beautiful... You're beautiful
You're beautiful... It's true
There must be an angel with a smile on her face
When she thought up that I should be with you
But it's time to face the truth
I will never be with you.....

Best love song ever written???
YEP... ME THINKS SO :-)

The Truth...

about Thai bar girls........

COMING SOON!!!

Handy Travel Tip....

U can open locked airplane toilet doors by sliding the lever under the lavatory sign until it moves from the OCCUPIED to VACANT position... Perfect if you've had too many beers!!

A Dogs Loyalty...

Hidden among the skyscrapers and neon lights at Tokyo's Shibuya station, there is a small bronze statue of a dog... a Japanese Akita dog name Hachi. This statue holds an amazing story...

In the 1920's... a Japanese professor, found this little puppy abandoned in a cage on his way home from work. Not knowing what to do... he took the puppy home and named him 'Hachi'. From this day on, they became inseparable friends. Every morning, Hachi would walk the professor down to Shibuya station... where he would leave for work. And every afternoon at 4pm, the dog would walk back down to the station to greet his owner again. This happy routine continued until one fateful day, when sadly... the professor took ill at work and died.

That day... Hachi patiently waited at the station as he always did... for his owner. The 4pm train came... and went. But of course the professor wasn't getting off the train to greet his loyal dog anymore. Not giving up on his owner, Hachi continued to wait. He waited at the same spot... at the same time... every day... for 10 years!! On March 8, 1935, Hachi also died and finally went to meet his owner. He died on the very same spot he last saw the professor alive...

Its a TRUE story... GOODNIGHT WORLD :-)

My Note in a Bottle...

I dont know where U are... or even what country U live. But U are out there somewhere... and Im wondering what it is that U are doing right now. Maybe U are having a coffee... or maybe U are on a beach somewhere in Asia. I dont know if we have already met... or have not met... know each other... or not. But right now... U are doing something... just like I am doing something. And I'm wondering what that is. I hope our life will cross soon... and when it does... I'm going to show U this note. So U will know... at this moment in my life... I was thinking about U. And maybe, just maybe... you can also remember... if U were thinking about ME too... at 4:01pm on 27th April 2011.

Wouldn't that be SOMETHING :-)

What hurts the most...

Was being SOOOOOOO CLOSE....

Single Again....

Well talk about having my heart ripped out... but you know what, its not gonna kill me, I wont let it. A good friend said to me yesterday-

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens.... but often we look sooo long at the closed door that we don't see the door that has been opened for us"

Good advice me thinks.... and I know there is someone else out there in the world for me.

The Happy Traveller aint giving up on LOVE just yet... GOODNIGHT WORLD :-)

The Power of ONE...

Its been a long time since The Happy Traveller has had a girlfriend... but it has changed my thinking... in a good way :-)

I remember my first time in Thailand... OH MY GOD... so many gorgeous girls, it was hard to know where to look!!! Back then... I was soooo happy to be single.

But now... there is only ONE girl I think about. There is only ONE girl i want to be with. There is only ONE girl I want tonight. There is only ONE girl I miss. And I don't wanna miss a thing!!!

Its YOU.... only YOU :-)

Back home after another Thai adventure....

Ehhhh... where do I start with this little story!!!!

Back home in Aus again after 3 months in Thailand... and still alive to talk about it. Well not much has changed. But somehow Ive managed to lose my 'single' status. Yup, believe it or not the Happy Traveller has a girlfriend... which feels a bit weird to say for me. But in a good way :-)

Anyway... more on that later. Just wanted to say HELLO WORLD!!!

Similan Island Sunsets

The hat thing....

Patong Beach... 2010!!

Chocolate Magnums

Sawadee from my room in Phuket :-) You know... for some reason I dont dream when Im in Thailand. Its quiet weird, as I ALWAYS dream every night in Australia... and can always remember them the next morning.

This has happened to me every time I've been in Thailand. It kinda bothers me too... as Im sure there is a hidden message in there somewhere as to why Im not dreaming. Then last night it finally happened.... I DREAMED!!!!!! Now after waiting for sooo long, you would think it would have been some super amazing dream about saving the world or something right?? But nooooooo sir... it was a lot less exciting than that- a dream about a bloody CHOCOLATE MAGNUM ICE CREAM!!!! WTF???

So, I am writing this eating my 40 baht chocolate magnum... and its sooo tasty!!! Its almost perfect!!! I feel completely satisfied... like there is nothing else in life I need. No need to look for anymore ice-cream cus Ive found the right one for me. Yep... me and chocolate magnums were made for each other.......
Wish everything was that easy!!

Hmmmm....

"What if you slept? And what if.... in your sleep, you dreamed? And what if.... in your dream, you went to heaven and picked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if.... when you awake, you had the flower in your hand? Ahhh.... what then?"
- Sam Coldridge

"What if you slept? And what if.... in your sleep, you dreamed? And what if.... in your dream, you went to a bar and there picked a strange and beautiful cocktail? And what if.... when you awake, you had the cocktail in your hand? Ahhh.... what then?"

- The Happy Traveller

Thats all for now... time for another vodka hehe

GOODNIGHT WORLD :-)

Dad... Give me FOOD!!

Mr Tex always knows the time when

ITS DINNER TIME!!

Beauticians are the DEVIL!!!!!

All I know is my feet are still hurting... and have been for 2 weeks. Mum thinks I have bruised the skin under my feet. Her idea... get a pedicure or manicure or poopycure or whatever u call it!!! You know... one of those treatments you get at a place called a beautician!!!!!

Just quietly, Im a little bit concerned about going to a beautician. Geeez one step at a time alright... Ive only just started excavating my face!! Or is that exfoliating????? Oh buggers me, but whatever that cream was, it sure felt like it excavated 6 out of the 7 layers of skin I had on my face. Ok, so maybe I scrubbed a little too hard, cus by the time I got out of the shower my face resembled more the look of a slapped arse than the super-clean skin I was promised. So out of desperation I did what any real man would do... sanded my feet with good ol sandpaper. Yup... off course that didnt work and I still have painful feet. Now what??? Am I left with no other choice but to get the footsy-poopy-cure at my local beautician??? And then what happens... what other evil cures will they try to give me?? I already know about their sadistic excavating cream!!!! What if they have another cream that they rub onto my feet... and my feet melt??? Or worse turn GREEN!!!!! Will cucumbers be involved??? Whats the deal with that??? And the GREEN face mud!!!!! Whats going on there??? Shit what if they want to put that on my face... and it sticks and never comes off!!!

Or wait... put me in a MILK bath!!!!! WTF do I look like Cleopatra??? MILK!!!!! Arent u supposed to drink it????? What if they gas me and drown me in the MILK????? But what scares me the most are those evil solarium things!!!!! Mate i saw one on TV once and it looked like an effin spaceship!!!!! There is just no way Im stepping into one of those... I bet when a man gets in you just hear this deep voice saying "Beam me up Scotty!!!!!" and then we get instantly vapourised!!!!! Ohhhh beauticians are the devil and want to torture and disfigure all men. hehe ;-)

GOODNIGHT WORLD :-p

Suicide Bombers...

You know, you crazy suicide bombers with your 26 virgins you believe you get awarded after you kill innocent people are forgetting one small detail. You are forgetting there is a good reason why they're virgins you stupid ASSHATS....
Enjoy eternity guys!!!! Hahahaha!!!!

Crazy Travel Ideas...

Somebody once wrote something to the effect of..... 'Crazy travel ideas are dancing lessons from God'

Last year in BKK I wanted to see Angor Wat in Cambodia. So I was at a travel agent on Koh Sahn Road... 'Ooooh you want go Campochia?' asked the little Thai man standing in front of his shop. 'Yes mate... I wanna go to Cambodia to see Angor Wat' came my reply. 'Sim Rip only 8 hour on bus' he confidently told me... then added 'Ooooh but the road to Sim Rip sometimes hab the dirt on it'. In other words, it was at least '20 hours on the bus and the road has holes the size of elephants LOL. No worries... I handed him some baht and he handed me the ticket.

13 hours later (LOL), and still only half way there... I couldnt feel my ass on the bus seat anymore. But that was ok... cus I couldnt feel my head either from head-butting the roof after every elephant hole we passed over. It becaming a running joke in the bus as to what will break first... our head or our ass LOL.

18 hours later (LOL), the bus stops at a village for food... and I met this happy go lucky Cambodian kid. He was 7 years old and asked me where I was from. After telling him Australia and showing him what a jumping kangaroo looks like... he says to me 'Australia Prime Minister is Kevin Wudd, you have a population of 20 million and the capital city is Canberra'". Then held out his hand for a tip LOL. For 20 minutes we had soooo much fun together. He showed me what a buffalo looked like (which of course looked more like an duck LOL) before we settled into a game X's and O's with our fingers on the side of the dusty bus. I dont think he'd ever played this game before... but after letting him beat me 3 times he loved it haha!

Three days later I on the way back to BKK... the bus stopped in the same village again... and the same little Cambodian kid comes running up to me with a big smile and laughing 'Hello Wodd... how are you? "Can you do the kangerwoo for me Wodd... do the kangawoo for me again please Wodd' hehehe.

I mean this kid had nothing... no money at all... nor likely did his family. And the second time we met, he didnt once ask for money... he was just happy to see me and show his friends that he can beat me in X's and O's :-))))

The Eifel Tower, Disneyland and Grand Palace are all great... but they're not why I travel. Its the off the beaten track stuff... the crazy travel suggestions... and the games of X's and O's on the sides of dusty buses. Dancing Lessons from God...???
YEP... ME THINKS SO :-)

Love and Life...

Both go hand in hand i think. Heres my take on love through a few quotes I like. If anyone wants to know... the background music is part of the soundtrack from the movie "Pearl Harbour"..... ENJOY :-)

TAKE ME THERE......

Take Me There.........

Oh please TAKE ME THERE!!

I AM YOUR TRAVEL AGENT...

I AM YOUR TRAVEL AGENT...
I have degrees in meteorology, mind reading and also speak perfect African if YOU get into trouble on the African Tribal Tour I booked for YOU. Sure it's no problem to give YOU seven connecting non-smoking, ocean view rooms with two beds in each room. And of course it’s my fault that the hotel lobby smells bad for YOU.

I AM YOUR TRAVEL AGENT...
Sure its obvious to me when YOU book your flight for Friday, YOU really mean Saturday. And when YOU say Ritz Hotel London, YOU really mean Hilton Hotel Paris. I deeply regret I cant upgrade YOU to first class cus its your birthday and apologise for your unpleasant flight to Canada on Borat Airlines. Even though YOU wanted the cheap ticket, its still my fault YOU wont pay more for a good airline.

I AM YOUR TRAVEL AGENT...
Absolutely I will refund your 3 day Disneyland-Pass cus Mickey Mouse punched YOU in the face after your 6 year old son bitch-slapped his left testicle. And I should have known when YOU requested seat 47A there was a smelly fat man in seat 47B who snored too loud. Of course its my fault that YOU are not entitled a refund cus Thai Airways wont allow your cat in the overhead locker. Clearly I should have known YOU were deaf when I carefully explained the terms and conditions of your flight ticket to YOU.

I AM YOUR TRAVEL AGENT...
I always know where to find YOU the best BBQ restaurants in every city in the world, without spending money. Im happy to work through my lunch break for YOU, and call YOU back in 5 minutes with a price... even though YOU wont travel until next year (maybe), YOU dont know for how many days, YOU dont know how many people, or where YOU want to go. I also accept blame for airline food and that YOU caught aids from your Thai 'girlfriend' in Bangkok. And Im sorry.... NO I dont know how to explain this to your wife. GRRRR my customers.... somtimes just wish I could say FUCK YOU!!!

HATE MY JOB SOMETIMES!

Random Fact

There is an ATM in the Antarctica. TRUE!!! haha love it!!! How cool is that.....
Do you get it??
"coooooool"
GOODNIGHT WORLD :-p

a simple Thank You...

a simple Thank You is all you need sometimes...
NO WORRIES JANETTE :-)

Travel Agents guide to Sydney...

Travel advice is something I'd normally charge good money for. But because I love ya's all... or more to the point... am just trying to take my mind off other shit tonight... here is your own Happy Traveller Guide to Sydney!!! Im sure you've already read the reviews and seen all the brochures. But please... allow me :-p

DO- sit on the LHS of the plane as you're flying into Sydney... you'll get a great view of the city if you approach from the west. For any Americans... that funny shaped white thing is the Opera House. This is where we train our wombats to sing.

DONT- say "Goodday Mate"... seriously its one of those things if you pronounce it wrong you just sound like a special unit. Its "gday mate" (pronounced ged-aay). Say it right and we'll love ya to death :-)

DO- book yourself a city tour... good value in any city. If your American... this is a good time to keep an eye out for Kangaroos bouncing around the city. If you're really lucky you may even see one driving a taxi... or having a beer. And for the love of god... will you please learn how to pronounce Melbourne. Honestly whats so hard about it... everyone else can pronounce it properly... its MEL--BURN... not MEL-BOOORN. Cmon sing it with me baby!!!

DO- climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge if you are not scared of heights. Its absolutely fantastic but a real hike to the top. It takes 2 hours from memory and is quiet steep. Be a little careful if you're American though... because we sometimes like to throw you guys off the top of the bridge just for shits and giggle and to amuse ourself

DO- go to Darling Harbour for a night... it is set against the backdrop of the city skyline right on the water and has an uber exciting vibe. There is so much to do... endless street shows, shopping, IMAX, the Aquarium... plus Star City Casino is only a stones throw away. There are a few really good clubs and cocktail lounges (www.pontoonbar.com) there too if you feel like partying it up Sydney style. I'd highly recommend staying in this part of the city and I'd highly recommend The Novotel @ Darling Harbour for a reasonably priced mid range hotel. It has a perfect location right on the waterfront with Darling Harbours entertainment literally at your doorstep. Plus the hotel has a monorail station (the cylindrical purple thing in the pic) just outside the main lobby which makes it a great base for exploring the rest of the city. The rooms aren't huge... so if your budget allows it upgrade to a cityview room... they are slightly bigger and have a cosy balcony perfect for an evening nightcap and views of the city skyline you'll never forget.
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DO- go to The Rocks if you want a MASSIVE night out... its more hectic than Darling Harbour with plenty of good Pubs and that sort of thing. Cover charge at the door is $10-$15 and its at EVERY pub. But our doorman have been known from time to time to charge $30 for Americans... so my advice to you guys is lie and say your Canadian. There... dont say I dont do anything for ya's LOL
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DONT- forget the Botanic Gardens... like anything in Sydney it twists its way around the Harbour and is a great place to relax for a bit. There are many walking paths you can choose from or you can even ride a bicucle there. Pack a picnic lunch... hire a bicycle and find yourself a big old shady tree
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DONT- tip... its honestly not our culture. Barstaff & waitresses are all earning $20 an hour upwards so nobody expects a tip. Exception being if you get exceptionaly good service... or you think the bargirl/barman is uber hot... thats the only time we tip. Of course different rules apply for Americans... for you tipping ettiquiette in Australia is the same as the USA... 10% if you're good looking or 15% if you've been hit with the ugly stick.
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DO- check out the view from Centrepoint Tower... there is a nice revolving restuarant at the summit for fine diners... dont expect much change from $150 for a seafood buffet. There is also plenty of nice places to grab a bite to eat down on the water near the Opera House
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DONT- tell any Steve Irwin jokes... its the only thing we get sensitive about. If you're American and disrespect him then our pet Kangaroos will box your head in. The man is a legend... we all love him to death. He's our version of Ghandi
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DONT- ask us how to throw a boomerang... we have no f*$%@* idea. I bought one a few years ago just to see if it'd work... I almost killed 3 people. Only the aborginals know how to throw them. And they wont tell ua LOL
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DO- definately definetly do... an evening harbour cruise. The harbour at night is amazing. Think Hong Kong... but give it a Aussie flavour and crank up the excitement level 200% and you'll get an idea of what its like. Anyway seeing the city sights from the harbour itself is something special. The boats are sleek and modern and all have huge decks where you can drink and eat the night away while cruising past our most famous sights... you even get to go under the Harbour Bridge. The food is good and theres plenty of drinks and fun to be had Highly recommended :-)
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DO- if you have a coupla hours to burn and just wanna relax... catch a train across the Harbour Bridge to Milsons Point... its the first station after the bridge on the north side of the city. Wander outside to the grassed area directly under the Harbour Bridge. There is a little Italian Pizza shop there... grab a girl... preferably yours... and a pizza and just relax on the grass at sunset. Its an real peaceful spot... theres hardly any cars there. In fact if I didnt tell you... you'd probably never find it. Its a favourite little spot for us locals to just chill out... nice 'n' relaxing with uninterrupted views of the Opera House plus Luna Park is only a short 2 minute stroll across the road.
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DO- check out Bondi Beach... it wont blow your mind for sheer beauty... trust me we have better. Dont get me wrong... its still a nice beach but Bondi is more than just a beach. Its a awesome part of the city... very laid back with a beach-side promonande that is filled with trendy cafes, cool shops and some really good beer gardens. Us locals go there more to just chill out... if we want to swim we'll go someplace else... theres soo many tourists there... backpackers galore. You'll see more cameras on Bondi than bikinis. But please... pretty please with vegemite on top... be careful of the surf. Of course we have the Sharks too... the Great Whites... and yes they can get kinda big... like small car big. But no... we dont fearlessly tackle them in the water... like you we totally shit our pants and swim back to the beach ASAP. Anyhoo they only eat the Americans so everyone else is safe.
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DO- try to get out of the city for a coupla nights. If you're after somewhere nice and uber uber relaxing to stay... try a quaint little town called Huskisson... or Husky to us. This IS a nice beach... better than anything you will find in the city and probably the best beach you've never heard of. Its an easy 2 hour drive south of Sydney and has a gorgeous little town with dolphins in the ocean. There are some cool ice cream cafes... a nice little pub with outdoor beer garden overlooking the ocean... its perfect. Plus you can rent little pedal powered (Flinestones) glass bottom boats and go cruising around the bay. Rent a beach-cabin for the weekend for a nice change of pace from the city.
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DONT- forget to drop in and see me on the way back from Husky for a sunday afternoon BBQ... you cant leave Down Under without having a Barbie and a Beer. I promise I wont put vegemite on your steak... unless of course... need I even say it... you're American. In which case not only will get you get marinated vegemite steak... but also a free ride back to the airport on my pet kangaroo. His name is Fluffy and he smokes cigarettes same as me. I think you will like him... he's a lot nicer than the sharks.

I truly hope that my country extends you the courtesy... and friendliness... that your country has given me over the years :-)

WELCOME TO SYDNEY :-)