Beauticians are the DEVIL!!!!!

All I know is my feet are still hurting... and have been for 2 weeks. Mum thinks I have bruised the skin under my feet. Her idea... get a pedicure or manicure or poopycure or whatever u call it!!! You know... one of those treatments you get at a place called a beautician!!!!!

Just quietly, Im a little bit concerned about going to a beautician. Geeez one step at a time alright... Ive only just started excavating my face!! Or is that exfoliating????? Oh buggers me, but whatever that cream was, it sure felt like it excavated 6 out of the 7 layers of skin I had on my face. Ok, so maybe I scrubbed a little too hard, cus by the time I got out of the shower my face resembled more the look of a slapped arse than the super-clean skin I was promised. So out of desperation I did what any real man would do... sanded my feet with good ol sandpaper. Yup... off course that didnt work and I still have painful feet. Now what??? Am I left with no other choice but to get the footsy-poopy-cure at my local beautician??? And then what happens... what other evil cures will they try to give me?? I already know about their sadistic excavating cream!!!! What if they have another cream that they rub onto my feet... and my feet melt??? Or worse turn GREEN!!!!! Will cucumbers be involved??? Whats the deal with that??? And the GREEN face mud!!!!! Whats going on there??? Shit what if they want to put that on my face... and it sticks and never comes off!!!

Or wait... put me in a MILK bath!!!!! WTF do I look like Cleopatra??? MILK!!!!! Arent u supposed to drink it????? What if they gas me and drown me in the MILK????? But what scares me the most are those evil solarium things!!!!! Mate i saw one on TV once and it looked like an effin spaceship!!!!! There is just no way Im stepping into one of those... I bet when a man gets in you just hear this deep voice saying "Beam me up Scotty!!!!!" and then we get instantly vapourised!!!!! Ohhhh beauticians are the devil and want to torture and disfigure all men. hehe ;-)

GOODNIGHT WORLD :-p